There Goes Connie

When I squeeze my toothpaste tube, I naturally assume I’ll get toothpaste.  The same holds true when I’m squeezing mustard or ketchup bottles, my hand lotion, my favorite make-up potions or cleaning products.  If I thought I was getting toothpaste and I got Preparation H instead, the results could be disastrous.  And if I were adding squirts of ketchup to my French fries but I ended up with mustard instead, I’d have a disappointing, uneaten mess.  It is important for the expected product to come out of the tube or bottle when we squeeze it.  Are you with me?

So, what, I ask you, should come out when a Christian is squeezed? When stress, trials, pain, disappointment, heartbreak come into our lives and squeeze us from all sides, what should come out?  I believe you’d all agree that Christ-likeness should come out in the form of the fruit of the Spirit — love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  But, what if the world sees Satan come out when we’re squeezed? What if words or actions that are OPPOSITE of those represented by the Spirit’s fruit are displayed loudly and harshly? How confusing that is.  How damaging it is to the spread of Christianity and to the opportunity of attracting someone to the gospel and salvation.

My daddy was squeezed in his final months. He lost his beloved June very quickly and unexpectedly.  He had his mind set that he would be the one to go first, but that didn’t happen. My dad was getting weaker and weaker physically, so it was obvious that he couldn’t live alone.  My brother, sister and I needed for him to be closer to us rather than 4-5 hours away so we could give him the attention he was going to need.  We found him a beautiful, brand new facility, and he agreed to move. His house sold to the very first lookers, so we all saw that as a huge blessing and relief. But, after he moved, he was horribly unhappy. He missed his many friends from Troy, his church, his identity in that town. He was so very sad.  Then, the bad diagnosis of myelodysplastic syndrome was discovered, and he knew he was facing many transfusions and chemo treatments to even HOPE to get any better.  It was a triple punch in the gut, to be sure.

Dad told my brother, my sister and me how very unhappy he was.  We saw him shed many tears.  But, amazingly, he didn’t share his unhappiness with the new people he had just met — his neighbors on his hall, the servers in the dining room, the housekeeping personnel, the facility administrators, etc. In fact, the day we had to move him from his assisted living place to a nursing home, many of those employees came in to hug him and wish him well.  One even told us that she called him her “gentle giant.”  He never even flinched when needle after needle was stuck in his veins. When his condition became worse in the nursing home and he was being subjected to so many uncomfortable situations, he didn’t raise his voice, and when he was conscious, I kept hearing him say, “Thank you.”  It was such a comfort to me that daddy didn’t change who I’d always known him to be.

Joseph was squeezed when he was put in prison after being falsely accused by Potiphar’s wife.

Daniel was squeezed when he was thrown into the lions’ den because he knelt to pray to his God, rather than King Darius.

Paul was squeezed when he was beaten for preaching about Jesus.

All three men exhibited great faithfulness.  What has come out when I’ve been squeezed? What will come out in the future? Now is the time to stay fortified with the Word of God.

James 1:2-3 “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.”

James 1:12 “Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life, which the Lord has promised to those who love him.”

John 19:30 “When Jesus therefore had received the sour wine, He said, “It is finished!” And He bowed His head and gave up His spirit.”

2 Timothy 4:7 (Paul writing to Timothy) “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith.”

In the case of Jesus in the first verse, He knew the exact moment when He was going to die, but, as we know, He still had much more to do after He “gave up His spirit” and spent the next three days in the tomb.  That statement, however, brought an end to His earthly suffering.

As for Paul, his last day was still in the future, but he wrote with satisfied confidence to Timothy that he had run the race God had asked him to run, and he had done it well.

I have now watched 5 parent figures’ lives draw to a close. My mother in January of 1986, my father-in-law in October of 1997, my mother-in-law in July of 2011, my stepmother in February of 2016, and my daddy in July of 2016. Three of those — mom, Steve’s dad, and my stepmother June — came running up to their last day at full speed.

A few hours before my mother’s brain aneurysm, she was up baking cookies for a bridal shower she was helping to host for a girl at the Children’s Home.  She LOVED baking and hosting parties. Steve’s dad was out fishing with a good friend when their boat suddenly struck a stationery barge knocking them both into the water where they drowned.  Mr. Pearson LOVED fishing on the Tennessee River and spending time outdoors with his friend.  June prepared one of my dad’s favorite dishes for lunch and then spent several hours laughing and talking with her daughter and granddaughter before a growing headache became unbearable.  June LOVED spoiling my dad and savoring time with her family.

Steve’s mom, better known to us as Grannie, lived to be 86. She was smart, resourceful and extremely creative.  But, in her last years, she was unhappy and in considerable pain with back and heart issues. She kept her full mental capacities until the end, but sadly, we couldn’t convince her to choose to be happy and to enjoy her days.

Dad grieved deeply after June died.  We helped him move to North Alabama to be nearer family members, but he refused to settle into his new surroundings.  Then on June 29, he learned that he had myelodysplastic syndrome (MDS), very similar to leukemia. His first chemo treatment was on July 11, and he died on July 28 at the age of 88.

So much more could be written about each of these 5 people, and I keep trying to sort through the lessons God taught me by watching each one of them.

I doubt there’s a person alive who wouldn’t choose a sudden, unexpected death over prolonged pain and debilitation.  And, I know we all pray that we won’t lose our ability to think clearly. But, the fact remains that we don’t get to choose.  Instead, we have to live each day as intentionally, as productively, and as joyfully as it is in our power to do so.  As I continue to process the how-to’s of all this, let me share what Steve has written on the subject.  Here are links to his 3 blog posts: here, here and here.